"Sharks always win, even when they can’t swim!"

It is annoying verse, a bad rhyme and it absolutely haunts you. Ogden Nash this isn’t. That the words are squawked by a parrot with an English accent in a Gilbert Gottfried-wannabe tone doesn’t help matters. If it were possible to reach through the screen and ring that scrawny feathered neck….

Aye, but that digresses from the topic ­ which happens to be Big City Games and Techland’s Pet Soccer, a PC release. Pet Soccer and there are sharks playing? Hmmm, sure, lots of people have sharks as pets. Or robots, or …

"It’s a real delight, to watch panthers fight!"

Yep, there is another common pet. Unfortunately it is the annoying parrot, which serves as both the game play-by-play and color commentator (and yes, it will shriek "loser!" at you), and the bizarre that steal what might otherwise be an enjoyable arcade sports title. Pet Soccer steps outside the boundaries of the sports, disregards some of the rules, throws improbable creatures and fields at players and hopes it all works in the end. Well, it almost does.

The game features 12 soccer teams, four modes of play (an Unfriendly Match, UFETA Cup, Special Match and multiplayer), and 18 different fields from various regions throughout the world. Weather conditions change and there are special power-ups that will enable your team to have the edge in the game, albeit for a brief time.

While the controls are kept simple, the gameplay is kept even simpler. For example, you really don’t have to do much to take the ball from an opposing player. Running close to the player is good enough to generate an automatic steal.

A throw-in that doesn’t break the plane of the sideline is a turnover.

To its credit, the graphical quality of the game is appropriately cartoonish. The game may be a little too angular in places, but the overall look of this game is lush and colorful. The control elements are kept simple enough so that players of any skill can jump right in and play.

The game does have a nice options package, with qualifications necessary for the championships.

The game sounds employ lounge music, annoying narration, and only adequate game sounds.

Pet Soccer is not a wonderful soccer game. It is certainly entitled to step away from the rules of the game and invent its own universe of gameplay and characters. But even though teams are ranked on skill levels, it seems to have no effect on the game. A lower-ranked team can own a team with higher skills rather easily.

This game cannot run in the genre. It is an arcade game, but when it comes to being a viable sport title, it is far removed from the technical excellence of others on the market.

This game is rated for Everyone.

Gameplay: 6
The flow of the game isn’t bad, but some of the disregard to the fundamental rules make this a trying (or challenging, depending on your perspective) outing on the soccer pitch. The camera angles are decent, though the camera sometimes jumps away from the ball to a player that may, or may not, receive the ball.

Graphics: 6
Some of the characters are a little too sharply angled, and the animations can be a little jerky in places, but the overall look of the game is lush and colorful.

Sound: 5
The commentary is horrible, the script is not that good, and the rest of the sounds are average.

Difficulty: Easy
This is a game that you can jump into and play without much muss or fuss.

Concept: 6
The game has a decent options menu, and does show some imagination in the teams and power-ups.

Multiplayer: 6.2
Up to 8 game players can participate, just not all at once.

Overall: 5.9
 This is an arcade game, but definitely not the best soccer experience out there. It has some unique elements and is light entertainment ­ if you turn off the sound. This might be a game some will get a ‘kick’ out of, but most serious sports enthusiasts should ‘pass’ on the title.